Some conversations remind us how deeply children carry their worlds within them. Ishita, a 13-year-old from a Children’s Home, had lived through physical and substance abuse for years. Violence was the only language she had known since she was eight. “Gusse mein maine apne papa ko maara tha,” she shared.
Inside the institution, she recreated the only behaviour she had ever seen – anger, dominance, aggression. She formed a group with girls who shared similar histories, in an attempt to find her clan, create a sense of belonging and build a protective wall around themselves that excluded others. Slowly, another group began to form.
She gravitated toward girls with similar histories, forming a group that felt like a protective shield. In their shared hurt, they found a sense of belonging. Slowly, another group formed in the home, and an unspoken tension developed between the two.
One afternoon, an incident between the groups escalated into violence. Ishita, trying to protect her group, lashed out at others. But this moment of conflict opened a doorway for deeper reflection. The counsellor gently invited the girls to reflect on what truly bound them together. It wasn’t power or aggression, but it was a shared history of hurt.
Through this dialogue, the girls could see that while pain had shaped their past, they now had the power to choose a different path, one that didn’t repeat the cycle of hurt but transformed it.
The girls began stepping away from cycles of harm, extending empathy not only to those they had been hurting but also to the younger versions of themselves who had endured so much pain in so many different forms.
Ishita, once quick to react with aggression, has now become one of the kindest girls in the group. New girls often find comfort in sharing their worries with her as they navigate the unfamiliar environment of the institution. Recently, watching an older girl struggle with a drawing, Ishita leaned over and whispered, “Wow, tu toh mujhse bhi zyada sundar phool bana rahi hai.” A small sentence, but one that filled the girl with confidence.
All it took was treating Ishita as a person with experiences, wisdom, and the capacity to reflect and change.
As adults trying to create spaces for change in children, we often underestimate their capacity to reflect, make informed choices, and grow. We feel the urge to talk to them, advise, guide, and correct when what they really need is someone to sit beside them, reflect with them, and see them as whole beings.
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