At Ashiyana, where restorative justice forms the bedrock of our approach, every circle brings new revelations. Today’s story from our first-ever session with the boys at the Observation Home in Pune reminds us of the transformative power of patient listening and genuine connection.
When the boys first entered the room, they arrived with carefully constructed facades – walking and talking like movie villains, testing our boundaries with their bully-like behaviour. But as we’ve learned time and again in our restorative circles, these tough exteriors often mask hearts yearning for connection.
As we settled into our circle, magic began to unfold – slowly, deliberately. Each prompt brought forth new layers of their stories. Yes, there were interruptions. Yes, there were moments of chaos. But after ninety minutes of sharing, one previously resistant child admitted, “I want to get up, but I can’t… I feel drawn to the circle.” Another boy offered a touching metaphor: “Madam, we are like this candle in the middle, and you are melting us with each question!”
What was meant to be a 1.5-hour circle transformed into a full day of connection. When lunch break arrived, instead of dispersing, the boys insisted we write down their names and call them again after lunch. They not only came back but brought friends along – a testament to the safe space we had created in just one morning.
The afternoon session brought new dynamics as some of their friends, who appeared to be gang leaders, joined the circle. While the original group had settled into the circle’s rhythm, the newcomers tested its boundaries. When the circle keeper gently reminded everyone of the circle’s values, an interesting moment unfolded. One boy pointed out, “We are not disrupting, these new boys are disrupting.” The comment sparked tension, and some boys stormed out in anger.
But in a circle, we believe all are welcome and whoever is meant to be there, is there. Minutes later, when they returned, it became a powerful teaching moment about handling conflict through dialogue. “If we get up and go, it’s our loss,” we discussed. “But if we talk, we can walk through the conflict towards better relationships.”
The afternoon brought even deeper revelations through art. One boy, a natural leader in the group, drew a broken heart expressing his loneliness. When he stepped away for a medical check, something remarkable happened – his friend completed his drawing. Upon returning, instead of reacting with anger, he interpreted the collaborative artwork in a way that spoke volumes about their internal struggles: “The black is the gangster life and addiction. The pink, which stands for love, doesn’t let the heart get covered by the black.” By the circle’s end, this same boy had reached a profound realization: “The heart is broken but it’s still surrounded by love. I realize that what is stopping me is myself, and if I wish to do or be something, I can!”
Another touching moment came when a boy drew two connected hearts – one his own, the other his mother’s. No explanation was needed; the simple illustration spoke volumes about love and connection.
What makes these circles unique is their foundation in choice and agency. When given the option to leave, many chose to stay. When new members joined later, the group learned to navigate conflict and respect boundaries. Even the most resistant participants transformed from playing tough gang leaders to sharing deep, personal reflections about loneliness and inner conflict.
This is the beauty of restorative circles – they aren’t traditional sessions with predetermined outcomes. As circle keepers, we don’t control; we hold space. We trust the process, believing that whoever is meant to be there, is there, and whatever needs to be said, will be said. It’s a slow journey of change, built on trust, respect, and the power of non-judgmental presence.
The day ended with music – an impromptu Antakshari session that brought its own lessons. Boys who had earlier projected tough personas now carefully chose songs appropriate to sing in front of the women in the room, showing their capacity for respect and self-regulation. It reminded us that when working with at-risk youth, we must meet them where they are, creating space for growth without judgment.
This experience reinforced what we’ve always known at Ashiyana: beneath tough exteriors often lie hearts full of love, just waiting for someone to listen. Sometimes, all we need to do is sit patiently and let the walls come down on their own. In these moments of vulnerability and connection, true healing begins.
Change doesn’t always need grand gestures or structured interventions. Sometimes, it simply requires creating a safe space where broken hearts can speak their truth and find their way back to love.
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